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Communism is like one big phone company.
~ Lenny Bruce

The bathtub was invented in 1850 and the telephone in 1875.
In other words, if you had been living in 1850, you could have sat in the bathtub for 25 years without having to answer the phone.
~ Bill DeWitt, 1972

Middle age: When you're sitting at home on Saturday night and the telephone rings and you hope it isn't for you.
~ Ogden Nash

I'd rather sit down and write a letter than call someone up. I hate the telephone.
~ Henry Miller

Telephone, n. An invention of the devil which abrogates some of the advantages of making a disagreeable person keep his distance.
~ Ambrose Bierce

A woman is a person who reaches for a chair when she answers the telephone.
~ Milton Wright

If you were going to die soon and had only one phone call you could make, who would you call and what would you say? And why are you waiting?
~ Stephen Levine

Some one invented the telephone, And interrupted a nation's slumbers, Ringing wrong but similar numbers.
~ Ogden Nash, Look What You Did, Christopher

I'd play every day if I could.
It's cheaper than a shrink and there are no telephones on my golf cart.
~ Brent Musburger

I keep the telephone of my mind open to peace, harmony, health, love and abundance.
Then, whenever doubt, anxiety or fear try to call me, they keep getting a busy signal - and soon they'll forget my number.
~ Edith Armstrong

It is my heart-warmed and world-embracing Christmas hope and aspiration that all of us, the high, the low, the rich, the poor, the admired, the despised, the loved, the hated, the civilized, the savage (every man and brother of us all throughout the whole earth), may eventually be gathered together in a heaven of everlasting rest and peace and bliss, except the inventor of the telephone.
~ Mark Twain, Christmas greeting, 1890

If The Phone Doesn't Ring, It's Me.
~ Song title by Jimmy Buffet

I don't answer the phone.
I get the feeling whenever I do that there will be someone on the other end.
~ Fred Couples

As a teenager you are at the last stage in your life when you will be happy to hear that the phone is for you.
~ Fran Lebowitz, Social Studies

Marriage is like a phone call in the night:
first the ring, and then you wake up.
~ Evelyn Hendrickson