You sometimes see a woman who would have made a Joan of Arc in another century and climate, threshing herself to pieces over all the mean worry of housekeeping.
~ Rudyard Kipling
My second favorite household chore is ironing.
My first being hitting my head on the top bunk bed until I faint.
~ Erma Bombeck
Nature abhors a vacuum.
And so do I.
~ Anne Gibbons
Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing is like shoveling the walk before it stops snowing.
~ Phyllis Diller, Phyllis Diller's Housekeeping Hints, 1966
Don't cook.
Don't clean.
No man will ever make love to a woman because she waxed the linoleum.
My God, the floor's immaculate. Lie down, you hot bitch.
~ Joan Rivers
The Rose Bowl is the only bowl I've ever seen that I didn't have to clean.
~ Erma Bombeck
I think housework is the reason most women go to the office.
~ Heloise Cruse
There was no need to do any housework at all.
After the first four years the dirt doesn't get any worse.
~ Quentin Crisp, The Naked Civil Servant, 1968
Housework, if it is done right, can kill you.
~ John Skow
I am thankful for a lawn that needs mowing, windows that need cleaning and gutters that need fixing because it means I have a home...
I am thankful for the piles of laundry and ironing because it means my loved ones are nearby.
~ Nancie J. Carmody
This is a honeydew day.
That is when you get a day off and the wife says, Honey, do this
, and Honey, do that
around the house.
~ Jim Lemon
The best time for planning a book is while you're doing the dishes.
~ Agatha Christie
The obvious and fair solution to the housework problem is to let men do the housework for, say, the next six thousand years, to even things up.
The trouble is that men, over the years, have developed an inflated notion of the importance of everything they do, so that before long they would turn housework into just as much of a charade as business is now.
They would hire secretaries and buy computers and fly off to housework conferences in Bermuda, but they'd never clean anything.
~ Dave Barry
I always thought a yard was three feet, then I started mowing the lawn.
~ C.E. Cowman
There's nothing to match curling up with a good book when there's a repair job to be done around the house.
~ Joe Ryan
The fellow that owns his own home is always just coming out of a hardware store.
~ Kin Hubbard
Old houses mended, Cost little less than new before they're ended.
~ Colley Cibber
When it comes to housework the one thing no book of household management can ever tell you is how to begin. Or maybe I mean why.
~ Katharine Whitehorn, Nought for Homework, Roundabout, 1962
My idea of superwoman is someone who scrubs her own floors.
~ Bette Midler
Three-fourths of the Earth's surface is water, and one-fourth is land.
It is quite clear that the good Lord intended us to spend triple the amount of time fishing as taking care of the lawn.
~ Chuck Clark
A man builds a fine house; and now he has a master, and a task for life:
he is to furnish, watch, show it, and keep it in repair, the rest of his days.
~ Ralph Waldo Emerson
One only needs two tools in life:
WD-40 to make things go, and duck tape to make them stop.
~ G.M. Weilacher
I got the blues thinking of the future, so I left off and made some marmalade.
It's amazing how it cheers one up to shred oranges and scrub the floor.
~ D.H. Lawrence
A perfect summer day is when the sun is shining, the breeze is blowing, the birds are singing, and the lawn mower is broken.
~ James Dent
Love is the thing that enables a woman to sing while she mops up the floor after her husband has walked across it in his barn boots.
~ Hoosier Farmer